5|30|2016

i'm sure if you pricked my finger, i'd bleed red, white & blue.

i heart this flag & the people who protect it so much, that i actually had it tattooed on my 19 year old self. i didn't fit the profile of a girl who'd pay for permanent ink on a secret spot just below the bikini line. low enough that it was hidden, but high enough that it was appropriate. it was a place that only i could see. my mama's mouth dropped. "you let a man tattoo {that} spot?" ohhhh mommmm. he didn't see my lady parts...nor had any other man at the time. i barely had my first kiss just months earlier, my freshman year in college. he was a hunky upperclassman on the college football team.

at 5am, before my math & chemistry classes...i'd stand next to our university's soldiers in the rotc physical training class. i'd drive by the dorms where i'd pick up my little brother, 15 minutes prior. {nic} is a real soldier. so was everyone else. i wasn't though. i just needed a good butt-kickin' in the morning. &...i must have secretly needed some time with nic, who was my little buddy & would later be deployed to iraq. if that meant i had to do push-ups & sit ups until i threw up, fine. as the sun rose, they made me lead real soldiers on a run into the country. i remember hearing the fast soldiers say that it actually hurt them to run as slow as me. i'm just slow. my little legs don't go fast. another morning, i packed a heavy backpack while we marched a march way too long for me. i did my best to pretend i was just like them...because i admired who they were. so much.

as nic's deployment got closer, it was heartbreaking to know that the truth was that he might not come home. you won't be shocked that i decided i'd sign up & go with him. to iraq. but as a nurse.

oh good lord. here we go again. did i realize that there was no chance that the army would let me be anywhere near him. or heal him if he was hurt...then bring him home alive, so that i could make him top ramen. he always liked my top ramen the most.

i called the recruiter & started the lengthy paperwork process. then, i drove to washington state where i arrived at the military base. as i waited in the waiting room for my physical, i wondered if i'd even make it thru boot camp or just cry. are they sure they want to teach me how to shoot a gun? can i put sparkles on my uniform? are they gonna yell at me?

you bet someone yelled. & i don't like loud scary yelling voices. not at all. he yelled my last name so loud, i nearly peed my pants sitting on that stiff chair at the base hospital. it startled me right into shock & months later when the recruiter called...i declined the invitation to be commissioned as a 2nd lieutenant in the united states army nurse corps. because of loud scary yelling voices yelling my last name.

i am not a soldier. but, i am a soldier's biggest cheerleader.

the men & women who have protected & continue to protect everything that is red, white & blue...are extraordinary. they are my heroes. they always will be. nic made it home. but many haven't. i walked thru arlington national cemetery with an american flag in one hand and the other over my heart. there will never be anything that i am more thankful for...than for each & every one of those soldiers.

on this Memorial Day, thank you.

wild heart • gypsy soul

xoxo, miss airstream