5|17|2016
trailer mama, are you ever scared?
scared of what, bambi girl?
uh…scared of everything? you moved into an aluminum airplane on 2 wheels that is named after a baby deer, in search of a magical feeling you think you’ll feel out there. what if you don’t find it?
...
oh sweet bambi. {i know you're not talking about the kind of scared i feel, when i think i might need my purple bedazzled taser. you're talking about the fear of the unknown. or maybe a feeling of uncertainty & hesitation}.
darling, girl...i did find what i was looking for. although, i was scared & still feel scared at times. that is just a feeling though. just like happy & sad & joy are feelings too. we are supposed to feel all these feelings. but, i have politely asked ms. scared, to sit quietly in the corner on a pretty white-washed vintage wooden chair. in that spot, she minds her own business. in that spot, she doesn’t get to make my decisions. sometimes though, she turns on taylor swift & get’s up off that chair & wants to dance. if i’m not careful, i’ll dance.
re-wind: i’m standing at the airstream dealership, preparing to sign the documents required to adopt you. margo, my sweet airstream lady…looked at the blank stare on my face. i was pale & barely breathing. {this is a dream i've talked about for 12 years. i’m terrified. i’m actually, truly, possibly 100% crazy. i can’t back up a trailer. i can’t tow. what if i crash. maybe i should rent one for 3 days first, like my big brother suggested. no. that’s not the same thing. what if i want to come back home. what if it’s the biggest mistake i’ve ever made. what if i don’t follow thru. what if it really isn’t what i want. but, what if it is. where’s the tequila & nearest taco bell}?
breathe, just breathe…she said.
i was more than scared. there were so many questions. the unknown, was not "know-able." so, when you, yes you, are scared of the exact thing that you have always wanted…go tell her politely, to sit down on that pretty chair. way over there. & behave. because you don’t have to let that feeling make your decisions.
find that vintage chair. because it is for her. you, go be you. that is our aha today.
wild heart • gypsy soul
xoxo, miss airstream